Have you ever heard the saying, “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger”? It’s a sentiment that resonates deeply, especially when working with individuals harboring intense anger, resentment, and hostility towards others.
Imagine a scenario where you’d undoubtedly sympathize with someone’s anger. You might nod in agreement and say, “Yeah, I’d be pretty damn angry about that too. Good for them!” While these reactions might feel justified, they often prove futile and, more importantly, detrimental to the person carrying the burden of rage.
Let me share a story about a client wrestling with such emotions. Her anger is valid, completely understandable, and in many ways, justified. Yet, it remains unproductive.
The truth is, her anger isn’t serving her. It isn’t solving the issue at hand, it isn’t affecting the person she’s angry with, and it certainly isn’t bringing her any peace or closure.
The only one suffering is my client.
But how do we begin to release this overwhelming weight of anger and resentment?
The Power of Forgiveness
Suggesting forgiveness to someone who has been wronged often triggers surprise. Why should they forgive when they were the victim? The answer lies in the wisdom of the Buddha’s quote—our anger harms only ourselves.
Much like chronic stress, sustained anger, resentment, and even hatred take a significant toll on our well-being. They disrupt our peace of mind, weaken our immune system, disturb our sleep, and ultimately chip away at our happiness.
By holding onto these emotions, we unknowingly grant the person who wronged us power over our lives, sometimes for years or even decades after the initial incident. And the worst part? They’re often unaware of the impact they continue to have on us.
Embracing Strength Through Forgiveness
Forgiving doesn’t mean condoning the other person’s actions or granting them permission to hurt others. It doesn’t equate to weakness, either. In fact, it’s quite the opposite—it’s an act of incredible strength.
By forgiving, you’re declaring, “You no longer hold control over my emotions, my feelings, or my life.” It’s a powerful assertion of reclaiming agency over oneself.
The Road to Liberation
Letting go of deep-seated anger is no easy feat. It takes time, courage, and a willingness to heal. It’s about acknowledging the pain but choosing not to let it define or dictate the future.
Forgiveness isn’t about the other person; it’s about freeing yourself from the shackles of bitterness and resentment. It’s about reclaiming your peace and emotional well-being.
In the end, choosing to forgive is an act of self-care. It’s choosing to prioritize your own mental and emotional health over holding onto destructive emotions. It’s a step towards reclaiming your happiness and inner peace.